every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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