yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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