Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize