You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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