Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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