So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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