I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
