PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im holly from the hills drunk
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
