I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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