What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
