at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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