508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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