I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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