Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
