I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
