You smell like stripper and shame
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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