You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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