He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
