What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
