I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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