I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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