I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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