the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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