so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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