You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
