i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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