the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
