i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
