So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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