you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
