apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
