another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
