I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
