You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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