Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
