If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
