Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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