i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
