Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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