I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
