your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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