I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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