You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
