you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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