my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
