By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
