Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
either way he was missing a nipple.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize