Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
