so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The uberlube is also flammable
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
