i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
