She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize