roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
