I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
