You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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