My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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