Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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