I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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