roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
