I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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