That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
