I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize