idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
