How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
