i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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