lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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