we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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