someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
